Biggest Loser Resort, Days 3 & 4: Blisters? Bring it on!

Sorry I haven’t been around, but I’ve been busy getting my butt kicked at this designer boot camp of a resort.

More than halfway through the week, with more exercise than I’ve gotten in a year or 10, this klutz is still standing. Floating on endorphins. Don’t need no Red Bull. Got my energy back.

The only downer is that my knee’s been feeling a little sore. Been icing and not going overboard.

If you’re legitimately hurting, no one’s pushing you to push yourself. But if you’re in your room under the covers sneaking Yodels, the trainers will hunt you down.

And I’ve been trying to keep those nasty blisters at bay with lotion, blister pads, the pricey socks to help ward off hot spots. Prior to this, I thought hot spots were places around the globe where trouble was brewing.

I didn’t want to slow down but the hiking guides did it for my own good and for theirs. (Yeah, I signed an injury waiver form. I had to. More on that a little later.) Let’s just say I’m not with the — ahem — triathletes.

I’ll admit I was a little stung by this at first. I felt like The Biggest Loser but not in a good way. Felt like I’d been voted off the island, to mix reality show metaphors.

But now I’ve seen the Southern California sunlight: So what? It’s not the show. We’re not competing. As I said, the only prize is that I avoid looking like the Michelin woman.

A typical day at the resort goes something like this.

3 am — Work (not part of the itinerary. It’s my news job that I was doing on East Coast time. Couldn’t afford to take off the whole week. )

6 am — Stretching, either in class or in room. Only stretching I’m used to is reaching for my alarm clock to hit snooze.

7 am — Breakfast. Just days ago I would have said, “You’re kidding.” Don’t let looks deceive. These banana muffins and a fruit plate were tasty and more than enough.

7:30 am — Back in room, trying to blister-proof feet. With this handy-dandy blister kit that was so complicated, I could have used a nurse or drywall installer.

Actually worked much better than the duct tape we were also advised to try.

8-10:30 am — Hike. All over Malibu.

Me and my shadow.

No, this isn’t Rock Ridge, home of Blazing Saddles. That was filmed elsewhere. This is the Paramount Ranch, locale for scads of old Westerns, along with Little House on the Prairie and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

Where’s The Duke when ya need him?

Making like a bird — like the guys hangin’ out on the rock.

10:30 am — More stretching. Then back to room for mid-morning snack of raw cashews, and to freshen up before …

12:30 pm — Lunch. Parsnip soup (had no idea what a parsnip was, but this was yummy) …

… and gigundo turkey sandwich.

1:15 pm — A precious few minutes to relax with more life instruction from Oprah, washed down with my new favorite beverage: Stash raspberry white tea.

2-5:30 pm — Wall-to-wall activity, including, but not limited to:

Circuit training.

Kickboxing. I got my Boom Boom Boom.

Lectures on healthy eating.

5:30 pm — Dinner! Turkey lasagna and key lime pie. Devoured in room while working. So fabulous, my taste buds crave more, but I’m full.

8:30 pm — Shower time, and then lights out. Get to do it all again tomorrow. Be still, my heart…

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